Learning to Pray Together

From insecurity and striving to dependence and communion

Looking at my own life today, God has transformed me through prayer.

God uniquely wired me toward prayer in certain ways. I am a ruminator. I overthink. I feel anxiety intensely. And over time, God retrained those feelings to prompt me toward prayer instead of panic, to bring about peace in my life. But I was not always someone who prayed like this. I did not even know I had this capacity within me.

And many people are in that same starting place. Drawn to the idea of prayer, yet facing insecurity, discouragement, doubt, and even dissatisfaction. Hungering to pray with passion, reverence, hope, and a heart-felt desire to glorify God.

So how do we experience a life of overflowing prayer?

How can someone learn to pray?

In one sense, no one needs to teach you to pray. When a baby is first born, they do not yet have language, but almost every adoring look, cry of need, coo of confusion, and expression of delight is directed toward their parents.

For a baby, it’s pure connection and dependence. The baby spends its first year adjusting to the fact that it is no longer immediately connected to mom, to life, to security, to warmth. No one has to teach that baby to think about their mom, to connect with mom and dad, to cry for help, or to simply be.

In the same way, when your thoughts are directed toward God, those are prayers.

When you are hurting, it is often a knee-jerk reflex to call out to Jesus. To pray in Spirit-prompted ways. To get from God only what He can give.

But just as a child needs to be taught language and expression and to see it modeled, we also have to learn how to pray.

And we’ll come to see: some parts of prayer are deeply personal. Other parts are learned alongside people who love God.

Learning to Pray Alone

I actually found it very jarring the first year when people would ask to pray together. It felt so intimate, private, personal.

There are aspects of our relationship with God that are just between the two of us. While Jesus was generous with His time, He was constantly withdrawing for time alone with the Father.

That private intimacy is so good to guard. There is something about those quiet moments with God when no one else is around. No pressure. No trying to sound spiritual. No worrying about whether you are saying the “right” thing. Just bringing your real thoughts, fears, gratitude, confusion, and desires before Him.

When we read through the Bible, we are given countless examples of what it looks like to pray. Scripture submerges us in God’s own thoughts and brings us into proximity with people of prayer like Moses, David, Jesus, and the apostles.

As we pray, journal, meditate on Scripture, and respond to the Spirit’s prompting, something begins to happen. Over time, prayer stops being merely an idea we believe in and becomes an actual relationship we experience. Our spirit cries out to God, and we begin to know Him more personally.

Learning to Pray Together

The first several years that I followed Jesus, I was insecure and uncomfortable in my communal prayer life.

Pause and think: Why might someone feel uncomfortable praying with other people?

Yet, there is something about praying together with other believers that we cannot experience anywhere else.

Hearing other people pray aloud, seeing their vulnerability, hearing the way they connect prayer to God’s Word, and listening to the things they ask God for inspires us to greater boldness, greater faith, and greater joy.

When you pray with other people, prayer becomes a continuation. One person begins praying, then another continues, then another adds thanksgiving, another brings Scripture, another brings faith, another brings vulnerability. Together, we begin to experience the mind and heart of Christ among us.

I think about this often when someone says, “Pray for me.” How many times have we sincerely meant to pray for someone, but life moved quickly and we forgot? One thing I have learned is that when I see a request, I try to pray immediately. Right then. Right there.

But I have also learned that when those requests are brought into a praying community, the likelihood of continually bringing those things before God increases exponentially because we are making intentional space to seek Him together.

One of the hardest parts of prayer is the “over and over again” aspect of it. We pray for the same things repeatedly. We thank God for the same things repeatedly. We forget. We get discouraged. We lose perspective. We drift back into anxiety, self-reliance, distraction, or hurry. I think this is one reason Scripture continually reminds us to remember. We are incredibly prone to forgetting both who God is and what He has already done.

And this is part of why praying with other people matters so much. In ordinary conversation, it is natural for someone to ask, “How is that situation going?” or to remember a prayer from months ago and suddenly connect the dots: “Wait… look what God has done.”

Communal prayer helps us remember. It helps us continue. It helps us notice patterns of God’s faithfulness we might have overlooked alone. Sometimes other people remember the prayers and provisions of God for us when we would have forgotten them ourselves.

So what does it look like to have a prayer gathering alive with God? One where you are excited to participate? One where the desires in your heart burn to be expressed before Him?

I think it starts with remembering what prayer is.

What Is Prayer?

Prayer is connection.

Prayer is where we meet with God. Where we cry out to Him, thank Him, praise Him, and bring our real selves before Him.

Prayer is also where we come into alignment with God.

Prayer ultimately centers on His kingdom and His will.

“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” — Matthew 6:10

Prayer is an act of spiritual warfare.

It is resistance against darkness, discouragement, unbelief, and isolation.

Prayer is where we petition God and experience His provision.

“You do not have, because you do not ask.” — James 4:2

Prayer is one of the clearest ways we participate in God’s kingdom work.

We are invited into partnership with what He is already doing in the world.

And prayer is where we access the power of God.

Scripture tells us that apart from Christ we can do nothing. If our lives are lived apart from prayer, we may accomplish things outwardly, but we will miss the kind of fruit that remains, the spiritual life that can only be experienced in Christ.

Prayer is also a muscle.

The more we pray, the more familiar prayer becomes. Over time, prayer stops feeling like something we are trying to force into our schedule and becomes something we instinctively turn toward because we know how to meet with God there.

At its heart, prayer is the ability to see God and help others see Him too.

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There’s so much more we could talk about. Not just what prayer is, but why we pray, how we pray, what the fruit of prayer is, and how to facilitate and cultivate a prayer meeting. We could also talk about how to intentionally create extra space with people for both planned and spontaneous prayer, along with the wisdom we can gain from learning from other people’s prayer journeys, sermons, and books on prayer.

In follow-up posts, I’d love to explore more of this. Until then, if you have a favorite quote, book, sermon, or lesson on prayer, please share. I consider those kinds of things pure treasure. Thanks.

For those who enjoy deeper reflection, here are a few more prompts:

• What shaped your earliest understanding of prayer? Did prayer feel natural, intimidating, formal, emotional, distant?

• What are the unique strengths you bring to prayer? What are the challenges for you? How can praying together help strengthen, encourage, or balance one another in those areas?

• What makes communal prayer feel vulnerable? What kind of prayers tend to intimidate people?

• What qualities make you feel safe praying with other people?

• What has someone else’s prayer taught you about God?

• What helps prayer become a regular rhythm instead of a last resort? What kinds of practices have helped you grow in prayer?

• What does a healthy praying community look like in real life?

• What do we gain from praying alone with God that we cannot fully experience in a group? What do we gain from praying with other believers that we would likely miss alone?

• When have you experienced a community that was alive in prayer? What stood out?

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I write about prayer, becoming more whole in Christ, everyday discipleship, and family life. Alongside essays, you’ll also find free kid’s Bible studies, book lists, and a living conversation about growing more confident in sharing your work.

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And as someone perpetually collecting ideas, quotes, essays, and half-finished thought trails, here are posts that connect to this conversation. Mostly sharing these so future me can find them again, but maybe you’ll enjoy wandering through them too.

• Wired to Pray by AJ Augur
  How God can retrain anxiety, overthinking, emotion, and inner intensity into deeper dependence, connection, and prayer.

• Some of the Ways We Love to Pray by Katie Sampias, Hayley Rawnsley, Lahni Blair, and AJ Augur
  A collaborative reflection on the many different ways people connect with God through prayer, imagination, silence, Scripture, gardening, friendship, and everyday life.

• What’s the Point of Prayer? by Griffin Gooch
  A thoughtful exploration of unanswered prayer, persistence, spiritual warfare, free will, and why prayer matters far beyond emotional comfort.

• Five Buckets for What Comes Your Way by AJ Augur
  A practical framework for sorting what lands in your lap through prayer, ownership, absorbing, entrusting, and discernment.

• When Prayer Re-Sizes Reality by AJ Augur
  A reflection on prayer as perspective, participation, and provision, especially when life, parenting, and ministry expose the limits of self-sufficiency.

• How Can We Pray Without Ceasing? by Trip Kimball
  A practical reflection on learning to stay connected to God throughout ordinary life through continual, everyday prayer.

• Prayer Matters; Changes Lives by Griffin Gooch
  A moving story about years of prayer for a friend trapped in addiction, and a reminder that no one is beyond the reach of God’s transforming grace.

• When Two Lives Meet in Prayer by AJ Augur
  A story about friendship, aging, prayer, and the mysterious ways God answers prayers through ordinary people

• Why We Need Rituals and Also Don’t by Griffin Gooch
  On rhythms, habits, liturgies, and spiritual practices: why rituals help shape love, attention, and formation

• Josh Benadum is currently working through a whole series on the Psalms as well. Once they are published, I’ll come back and add it in.

• And clearly you all know by now, all my posts are evergreen. So, as I read others, I’ll keep coming back here and updating this list to reflect that.

Glad you’re here,

— AJ